There’s Shit Taxes and There’s Shit Taxes September 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm

Shit Taxes

 Our local gumbyment has been in a relentless pursuit to extort money from me for failing to renew a so called “licence”. A “licence” I have never applied for, been tested, inspected or examined for!

This so called “licence” is for Approval to Operate an On-Site Waste Management Facility. In other words, a fuckin’ septic tank! What a load of shit!

I live in a semi-rural area with no water, sewerage, gas, street lighting, kerb and guttering, footpaths or road side drainage. The electrickery supply is known to go down for days at a time. The only services provided by the shire council (local gumbyment) is garbage collection once a week which is billed on top of the already exorbitant general rates.

It’s a licence I don’t have a choice for! Licenses are at the very least, an agreement! I can’t agree not to shit and they can’t deprive me of basic human rights!

…and what’s next. Are they going to charge me for a Hydro Collection Facility licence so I can drink rainwater? Speaking of which, they also charge me a Storm-water levy but, you guessed it, the nearest storm-water drainage system is fuckin’ miles and two hills away in the burbs!

Some may say I’m nitpicking and should just bend over and take it up arse from them but when I purchased this property I paid good money for them to inspect and OK approval of everything. Their inspection, or more like bribe, failed to notice raw sewerage flowing half way down the paddock! I spent a week or more knee deep in shit fixing it! Obviously Inspector No Nose nose Jack Shit or is devoid of at least two of his primary senses. For all they know I could still have the Yellow River flowing from my property because they have never been back to check!

It doesn’t end there. Because of my refusal to renew the so called “shit licence” they issued me with an infringement notice. The Infringement Processing Mob is the ticket/fine/tax collecting arm of the state police. I didn’t pay so now they refuse to let me register my motor vehicles.

What a brainwave fella’s! I don’t pay a tax so you refuse to collect more taxes off me! I’m saving thousands!! 

…and wtf has driving a motor car got to do with crap anyway?

I need to let a load off.

All you official orifices can go join the Far Kew!

Experience all of These Amazing Channels FREE* August 25th, 2008 at 5:46 am


fuxtelGot one of those “to The Resident” offers that “put you first, second and third” in the mail the other day.

I don’t know what’s more cheesy, the bemusement that they actually think you’ll believe it or the gall of an ex-Australian plastering plagiarising, paraphernalia, in the name of red, white and blue striped ribbons holding up medallions of gold, silver and bronze all over the show.

Apparently I can be a winner too – or so Murdoch’s cacophony of cocaine, coerced advertising executives seem to claim! “This offer ends in 10 days. Call … today!”

“FREE FREE”, it says, installation and a “FREE” first month on Platinum, Fuxtel’s best package! “Box Office movies at no extra cost” See over for details!

Turning the page and squinting through glasses I’m sure it reads, in a very faint outline surrounding Box Office, Main Event and Adult Only – “Access to: $5.95 per movie.” 

But that’s not all (no, no free steak knives), there’s no fuckin’ indication of what any package is likely to cost you now or in the future and another, you guessed it, “See over for details”!

Getting out the magnifying glass and squinting a bit all I can see is something about “11mth x $37.95 (Get Started)”, nothing about any other packages but a Cancel fee applies and a # (with no reference) Changes to package effective from the start of your next billing cycle.

Let’s hope that’s less than 12 months!!

Fuck you Rupert, and the cuddly, children’s bear name you rode in on! Who’s gunna buy something they don’t know the price of?

I’m wandering what’s more scary – they actually think they can sell this shit or people are so damn silly they fall for it!

Go join the Far Kew Foxtel!

Blundering Bigfoot Blooper August 18th, 2008 at 2:59 am


Chewbacca on Ice!

How’s those couple of clowns who claim to have found Bigfoot!

Jesus. How dumb are they? Any idiot can clearly see it’s really a Wookiee!

I mean, how credible are these geese anyway? A copper and a screw. Sure people are going to believe them.

…and going by the size of the esky it musta been one hell of a party. What a way to go!

Off to the far kew with you jokers.

Another Bloody Blog is Born. August 15th, 2008 at 12:45 pm

I kind of stumbled on to this by a spur of the moment accident when organising some alternative hosting for another site and they threw a new free domain name at me.

Why a blog? Friends and family seem to be tiring of my relentlessly repeating rants so I thought I may as well share them with strangers too! 

I’m very new at this and have no idea if it will even last but it’s free and hopefully some whiskey inspired words of wisdom will be shortly forthcoming…