Category / Corporate Wankers

Playstation Network Crucified! April 23rd, 2011 at 4:17 am

playstation network up on crossAs many a gamer already knows Sony’s PS3 Network went down yesterday. goD help us 70 million (odd) folk with nothing better to do on a Friday night!

Sony issued a statement that they were working on it and that certain outside party’s may have been involved which got me a bit worried. Surely even Killzone players have more sense than to play outside in the rain? Then again, it is school holidays over here and who nose what shenanigans the 12 year old, nigga wannabe, “sup dog” dudes are up to when all the Facebook brews come crashin’ over for a bro. Surely a bottle of misguided, regurgitated, Passion Pop couldn’t short circuit an entire international network!

Then I see the “outside party” claim was retracted on the playstation blog amid commenters pointing fingers at the Anon mob, who of course, have denied all responsibility and assured users they are waiting for Sony to get it’s playstation network back up and running before re-commencing their Take Sony Down campaign with the aim of not inconveniencing PS3 users.

Fair enough I say. I have my own conspiracy theories that make more sense.

It’s the fuckin’ Aliens I tell ya! The bastards dropped by for a quick game of online Black Ops, got the shits with hearing idiots playing hip hop over their mic’s, jumped into Zombies and turned the tide. Now we’re the zombies and they have the network and the ray guns. We’re all DOOMed!

Or so much for Good Friday. The playstation network has been crucified. An Easter egg says it won’t be resurrected until Monday!

Either way. Far-Kew Sony and the celestial being you think carries you. Get your shit together and back down to earth. With a bit of luck we won’t be reading your chronicles in two thousand years time.

I’m going back to playing online poker – or has the US banned that too?


Spore Spawns Chastised Civilisation September 19th, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Spore Spawns New Low in DRM

In a move that may well have Microsoft founder Billy Gates rolling over in his philanthropists chair thinking, “Why the fuck didn’t I think of that”, EA Games, the makers of Spore, have sunk to a new all time low in consumer control with their latest draconian, Digital Restrictions Management (DRM).

Not only is the much touted “family game”, Spore, severely limited to an all time total of three installs (goD help the windows wowsers) but it is also limited to a single user account on a single machine – at least on my Mac (and no, I’m not silly enough yet to own an iPhone)!

Thinking of challenging the kids to an evolutionary game of dynamic design and diplomacy throughout the ages? No bloody chance! Not unless you purchase another copy… and even then I doubt it can be played on the same machine!

I can’t help marvel at the gall of the person who pitched the DRM idea but the suits that marked off on it deserve the dry end of a dead dingo’s donger in through the out door! What were they thinking? It musta been one hell of a long lunch with much sucking of meatballs to swallow that idea!

The reviews on seem to sum up the consumer backlash, at least from my perspective, very nicely. At the time of writing 2,433 reviews out of 2,816 have awarded Spore the minimum of one star! The “pay per star and we won’t talk about DRM” commercial magazine type reviews, on the other hand, tell a different story. So much for truth in advertising! If only I wasn’t such an impulse buyer!

Whilst trawling for a crack to fix the problem I read that quite a few sources on the interweb (so it must be true) are claiming that Spore is well on it’s way to eclipsing the pirate title of Most Downloaded Game Ever. It’s not hard to see why!

The fanboys, of course, are towing the corporate-thieves-in-suits line of “It’s all for your own good.” Sound familiar? “Software piracy costs us all!” Anybody would think they are out to make squillions, immorally, in directors fees under the gullible guise of doing it for the shareholders too!

Get it right people. Video did not kill the movie industry, though it may have killed the radio star! DRM’s sole purpose is to maximize revenues by minimizing your rights and selling them back to you. It does not stop piracy, it only attempts to maximise profits for the corporate wankers!

Meanwhile, EA Games are busier than a one armed bricklayer in Bagdad trying to repair the collateral damage but it’s too late. The deed has been done. It’s all empty promises from now on in.

Our game’s on it’s way back. I’ll never buy another title.

Electronic Arts. Welcome to the Far Kew!

Experience all of These Amazing Channels FREE* August 25th, 2008 at 5:46 am


fuxtelGot one of those “to The Resident” offers that “put you first, second and third” in the mail the other day.

I don’t know what’s more cheesy, the bemusement that they actually think you’ll believe it or the gall of an ex-Australian plastering plagiarising, paraphernalia, in the name of red, white and blue striped ribbons holding up medallions of gold, silver and bronze all over the show.

Apparently I can be a winner too – or so Murdoch’s cacophony of cocaine, coerced advertising executives seem to claim! “This offer ends in 10 days. Call … today!”

“FREE FREE”, it says, installation and a “FREE” first month on Platinum, Fuxtel’s best package! “Box Office movies at no extra cost” See over for details!

Turning the page and squinting through glasses I’m sure it reads, in a very faint outline surrounding Box Office, Main Event and Adult Only – “Access to: $5.95 per movie.” 

But that’s not all (no, no free steak knives), there’s no fuckin’ indication of what any package is likely to cost you now or in the future and another, you guessed it, “See over for details”!

Getting out the magnifying glass and squinting a bit all I can see is something about “11mth x $37.95 (Get Started)”, nothing about any other packages but a Cancel fee applies and a # (with no reference) Changes to package effective from the start of your next billing cycle.

Let’s hope that’s less than 12 months!!

Fuck you Rupert, and the cuddly, children’s bear name you rode in on! Who’s gunna buy something they don’t know the price of?

I’m wandering what’s more scary – they actually think they can sell this shit or people are so damn silly they fall for it!

Go join the Far Kew Foxtel!